I. M. Meen - Scroll Archive (Newspaper/Magazine Articles)
This section of the Scroll Archive deals with articles that come from various newspapers and magazines. Many of them focus on either I. M. Meen himself or one of his antics.
The Daily Coffin -- Sorcerer's Quarterly -- Popular Mazemaking -- Good Mazekeeping
Newspaper/Magazine Articles: The Daily Coffin
| A sentence from an article in The Daily Coffin: |
|---|
| Police are still looking for clues that will help find the person or
persons who stole the Crystal Orb, a magic crystal ball owned by Mrs. Sylvia Fume. |
| Location: Level 1 (The Tower 1)
Cell in southwestern area |
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| Part of an article from The Daily Coffin: |
| According to museum officials, the theft occurred between one and
two o'clock this morning. The stolen items included a powerful magic wand and a first edition of Writewell's Book of Better Grammar, which is considered priceless. Both items were taken from the well-guarded east wing of the museum. It is believed that the thieves used some kind of magic to enter and escape. |
| Location: Level 3 (The Tower 3)
Cell in southeastern maze |
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| A review of the novel Meen: Dino Hunter from The Daily Coffin: |
| Well, readers, I. M. Meen has done it again! In his latest novel, Meen:
Dino Hunter, famous explorer I. M. Meen takes a journey into a lost valley filled with killer dinosaurs. He is joined by Brandon Dirkwell and Niles Quickload, big game hunters. This book is non-stop action and adventure from cover to cover. It is published by the well-known firm of Nastee, Rottin and Lovett and is available now. Don't miss it! |
| Location: Level 5 (The Dungeon 1)
Southwestern cell |
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| A portion of an article in The Daily Coffin: |
| It is unknown what caused the Friday morning fire at the Museum of
Ancient Magic at 22 East Main Street, although arson is suspected. Some of the priceless items kept inside seem to be missing. |
| Location: Level 8 (The Dungeon 4)
Northeastern cell |
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| A paragraph of an article in The Daily Coffin: |
| Another mysterious robbery was committed last night at the home of
Eaton Eels, retired wizard and collector of magical antiques. "My collection of magic wands was stolen," said Eels. The thieves got past tight security to reach the wands, including five armed guards, cameras, and an attack poodle. "It's almost as if whoever did it was invisible," added Eels, who slept through the robbery. |
| Location: Level 17 (The Catacombs 1)
Eastern cell in hidden area |
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| Part of an article in The Daily Coffin: |
| Ophelia Chill, who is currently serving as the Vice Chairman for the
Society of Wicked Wizards, announced the nomination of Ignatius Mortimer Meen for Number One Wizard. This is the top position in the organization. "Meen is by far the best man for the job," said Chill. "He's well known for his creative wickedness, and he's good-looking to boot." Although I. M. Meen was unavailable for comment, he did issue a statement to the press expressing his delight at being nominated. "It will be an honor and a privilege to have me as their leader," Meen's statement read. The election process will begin in two weeks. The three other candidates for the position have mysteriously disappeared, leaving behind no clue as to their whereabouts except for a large toad found at each of their homes. |
| Location: Level 18 (The Catacombs 2)
Eastern cell |
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| A paragraph from an article in The Daily Coffin: |
| Ignatius Mortimer Meen, head of the Society of Wicked Wizards, spoke
to a sell-out crowd attending the Second Annual Friends of Mischief Convention at the Underworld Arena last night. Meen, known for his enormous talent for creative wickedness, held the crowd spellbound as he told them how he began his career. "It all started when I was just a small boy," said Meen. "I never ate my vegetables or washed behind my ears. In fact, I would often hide turnips behind my ears just to avoid eating them. There may be one or two back there even now!" |
| Location: Level 20 (The Catacombs 4)
Eastern cell |
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| A book review from The Daily Coffin: |
| Well, readers, the big news in publishing this week is the release of I.
M. Meen's new novel, Hooray for Meen. It is a nicely written tale about a handsome young fellow who saves a town from becoming a giant toxic chemical factory. I found this tale to be completely believeable, exciting, and undeniably great. On the whole, I would highly recommend Hooray for Meen to anyone who has $19.95 and can read. The Daily Coffin wishes to inform its readers that this review was written by an outside source who chose to remain anonymous. Thank you, whoever you are! |
| Location: Level 26 (The Castle 2)
Northeastern cell |
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| Portion of an article from The Daily Coffin: |
| A priceless magical object was stolen from Wormwood Castle last
night. The thieves broke a second floor window to gain entrance to the castle, then blasted their way into the basement vault. Once inside, the thieves took the Crystal Orb of Oraculus, which can be used to communicate over any distance. Magic spells were used to aid in the break-in. I. M. Meen, Head for the Society of Wicked Wizards, voiced his dismay over the theft, saying, "I can't believe one of our own would do such a wicked thing. I will get to the bottom of this!" Wormwood Castle is the home of Sylvia Fume, wife of the late Angus Fume, a famous wizard who passed away earlier this year. |
| Location: Level 26 (The Castle 2)
Southeastern cell |
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| An article from The Daily Coffin newspaper: |
| I. M. Meen hosted the Annual Halloween Dinner last night at the
Underworld Auditorium. The black tie event drew a crowd of over six hundred witches, wizards, ghosts, goblins, ghouls, and other scary guests. All of the proceeds from this $500 a plate dinner will go to the Fright Foundation, an organization created by I. M. Meen to promote and preserve the tradition of scaring small children whenever possible. Meen spoke to the press before the event and told us that he had many plans for the Fright Foundation, including the construction of the Magic Labyrinth which could be used to trap smart kids. "Smart kids are bad for business," said Meen, "They just don't scare easily." |
| Location: Level 31 (The Laboratory 3)
Center north cell |
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| A paragraph from an article in The Daily Coffin: |
| Last night's burglary at the Museum of Ancient Magic is the third one
in two weeks. As in the previous two cases, only magic wands were taken. Security guards saw no one enter or leave the building, and there was no evidence left at the scene of the crime. "We're stumped," said Melvin Doolittle, curator of the museum. "I was on break when the theft occurred, so I didn't see anything." There have been a total of five wands taken in the three thefts, including a powerful Winter Wand, two Fire Wands, and a Storm Wand. "Somebody's got themselves quite an arsenal," said Doolittle, who was eating a doughnut. "I wouldn't want to be the one to go up against those wands. A guy could get hurt," he added. |
| Location: Level 34 (The Library 2)
Eastern cell |
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| An article from The Daily Coffin: |
| This week we'll review a hot new film that has been breaking box
office records all across the land. It's called The Worminator Part 4: Bait No More. It's the return of everyone's favorite half-worm, half- robot hero, The Worminator, who's out for revenge after his cousin Phil is used as bait by local fishermen. If you loved The Worminator, Worminator Part 2: Back from the Dirt, and Worminator Part 3: The Early Bird Gets It Good, you'll love this movie! Don't miss it! |
| Location: Level 34 (The Library 2)
Southeastern cell |
Newspaper/Magazine Articles: Sorcerer's Quarterly
| Part of an article from Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
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| The materials used in the building of a magical structure need to be
carefully chosen. I. M. Meen, head of the Society of Wicked Wizards, used the best Magic Maze Marble from Sinister Structure Supplies to build his famous Magic Labyrinth. "When you're building something as big as my labyrinth," said Meen, "you've got to use the best materials." Mr. Meen further stated that he has trapped over one hundred "little goody-goody bookworms" in his labyrinth since it was completed three months ago. |
| Location: Level 4 (The Tower 4)
Northernmost cell |
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| A paragraph from an article in Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
| This year's Man of the Year has written a large number of poems and
short stories. His published poems include "A World Without Meen," "Silly Little Gnome," and "You Know How Much I Love Me." Meen's short stories have appeared in the magazines Unlikely Tales and Baloney Bimonthly. These stories include "Meen on Danger Island" and "The Ghost and Mr. Meen." He began working on his first novel this morning and hopes to have it finished by tomorrow night. "You can't rush quality," Meen told our reporters. Best of luck to our Man of the Year, Ignatius Mortimer Meen! |
| Location: Level 11 (The Sewer 3)
Northeastern cell |
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| An article from Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
| Ignatius Mortimer Meen is the most famous wizard alive today. We
caught up to him in his summer home at the South Pole. SQ: Mr. Meen, why did you choose the South Pole as the spot for your summer home? Meen: The North Pole is too crowded with all those elves and that goody-goody fat fellow in the red suit. SQ: What are your plans for the coming year? Meen: Well, I've just about finished my greatest project. It should be up and running by January. SQ: And what is this project you're talking about? Meen: A labyrinth of enormous size that I will use to capture all the studious little brats I can! SQ: Why would you do that? Meen: Because, dimwit, kids with brains are bad for folks in my line of work. They don't scare easily. SQ: Well, best of luck, Mr. Meen. We'll check back with you later in the year to see how things are going. Meen: Don't let the penguins in on your way out! They nearly wrecked the place last time! |
| Location: Level 15 (The Caves 3)
Southern cell |
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| A paragraph from an article in Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
| I. M. Meen is once again in the news. He demonstrated his pet project,
the Magic Labyrinth, for a crowd of reporters and officials last month. "The thing worked perfectly," said Grimwort Graytongue, one of the founding members of the Society of Wicked Wizards. "I've got to hand it to Meen, he knows how to put on a great show," added Ophelia Chill, another founding member. Meen said he plans to have the labyrinth completely finished by the month's end. We'll keep you posted on any new developments. |
| Location: Level 19 (The Catacombs 3)
Southern cell in hidden tunnel |
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| A paragraph from an article in Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
| I. M. Meen's hatred of good grammar is well known, and he has a lot to
say on the subject. "Ever since I was a young boy, I knew that good grammar wasn't important," said Meen in a recent interview. "I even built my labyrinth with spells that ignored the rules of grammar just to show the world that those rules mean nothing to a wizard as powerful as I am." So far, Meen's labyrinth has worked perfectly, and he claims to have captured many studious children within its walls. "Nothing could possibly go wrong," said Meen. "I planned for everything. I even stole the only copy of Writewell's Book of Better Grammar, the one magic item that could undo my magic and destroy the labyrinth." Writewell's Book is considered dangerous to all who ignore the rules of grammar, since it has the power to teach grammatical skills to whoever reads it. "I tore off the cover of that awful book and hid it in my labyrinth," Meen continued. "Nobody could ever put it back together again!" |
| Location: Level 22 (The Hedgerow Maze 2)
Northeastern cell in "four cells" area |
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| An article from Sorcerer's Quarterly magazine: |
| Since our recent interview with I. M. Meen, head of the Society of
Wicked Wizards, we've received two hundred letters begging us to interview him again. Strangely, all of the letters were from Gnomes with very similar handwriting. Because of the enormous demand, we have decided to speak once again with Mr. I. M. Meen. SQ: Mr. Meen, it seems our readers can't get enough of you. MEEN: Can you blame them? SQ: It looks like you have quite a few Gnomes in your fan club. MEEN: Odd, isn't it? My assistant said the same thing while he was licking two hundred stamps the other night. I guess they see me as some sort of role model. SQ: What message would you like to give to all of your fans out there? MEEN: Send me money. SQ: Mr. Meen, we wish you the best of luck. |
| Location: Level 24 (The Hedgerow Maze 4)
Eastern cell in central area |
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| Part of an article in Sorcerer's Quarterly: |
| During my interview with I. M. Meen, I was struck by how strongly he
felt about using his labyrinth to capture studious children. "All of us in the evil magic business know how dangerous kids with knowledge can be," said Meen. "Every little thing they learn weakens our hold on them, and the next thing you know, we're history!" "Think about it," he continued. "Back in the good old days, we used to be in charge of all the scary things in life. Now all we've got left is Halloween, trips to the dentist, and the occasional nightmare. That's why I decided to take action!" Meen says he has captured well over one hundred studious children in his labyrinth so far. We can only wish him continued success. He may very well be our last hope. |
| Location: Level 26 (The Castle 2)
Central eastern cell |
Newspaper/Magazine Articles: Popular Mazemaking
| Part of an article in Popular Mazemaking: |
|---|
| Before building his labyrinth, I. M. Meen did plenty of research into the
right workmen, materials and magic to use in the construction. "I read many articles and books on the subject before I began construction," said Meen. Meen said that the most useful of these was an article titled "So You Want to Build a Labyrinth" by Al Ketchum. Other articles he found helpful included "How to Keep Your Gnomes Awake," and "Seven Ways to Cheat Your Suppliers." |
| Location: Level 23 (The Hedgerow Maze 3)
Eastern cell in southeastern area |
Newspaper/Magazine Articles: Good Mazekeeping
| Part of an article from Good Mazekeeping: |
|---|
| It is important to take great care when building your magic maze,
tunnel, or labyrinth, according to I. M. Meen, head of the Society of Wicked Wizards. "Don't ever use cheap materials, or you'll regret it later," he said in a recent interview. "Imagine how embarrassed you'd be if you were showing off your labyrinth to your friends and the whole thing collapsed, sucking them all into the fourth dimension!" Meen's own labyrinth was built by Gnick the Gnome, president of Dastardly Dwellings Corporation. "Gnick and his boys are the best around," said Meen. "They hardly ever slept on the job more than three or four hours a day and rarely stole my personal belongings. I highly recommend them." |
| Location: Level 25 (The Castle 1)
Southeastern cell |
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Last updated: October 25th, 2024.